The Broke Cop

I had a date last week with a cop. Let’s face it. Ladies love a man in uniform. I personally love a man in his uniform  more when he is 6 foot 4 with a head full of dark hair. I had met him in Toronto several months ago and we both just drifted ways for a bit. Naturally he contacted me again and kept on pursuing me. I was in Toronto on business and let him know I could spare a couple hours of my time for him. (I’m a busy gal, don’t ya know?)

We decided on lunch at Kelseys so we met there. I got dressed up in a  cute black floral summer dress and sandals with a black bow tie to give that “cutesy” appearance. I wouldn’t want him to think I was easy or anything ! As we walked into the restaurant he turned and looked at me and said the most horrifying words strung together into one sentence. “I am broke until Tuesday so you have to buy your own lunch.” It was only  Thursday! OH…MY…GOD! What does one say to that? Not much you can say. The fact that people pleasing is one of my biggest character defects I just smiled and said “I understand” when in reality deep within my soul I was saying to myself  “WHAT…A…LOSER”

I ordered my typical chicken sonoma salad and mocked interest in him. To top off the fact that he was a broke loser he kept answering his texts every five seconds. Apparently there was a big bust that day and he was gonna be in the papers. His partner was back at the station tagging evidence. He was trying to play the Mr. Big Shot Cop role. I wasn’t buying it.

Mercifally  the phone rings to interrupt our lame attempt at conversation and he picks up. He listens in for a couple minutes and  throws around a couple ok  and uh-uh’s then speaks. “I can come right back to the station to help you tag the evidence..it’s not a problem, I’m not busy right now” If he was a loser before in my eyes he is even worse of a loser now. He doesn’t have any money to buy lunch and he is willing to just leave me on  a date he isn’t even paying for. Wonderful. This date has gone from a really bad date to the worst date I have ever had. And there have been some bad ones, believe me. The whole time he is talking to his partner on the phone I have a little jingle-like mantra running threw my head. It is to the tune of “Just Keep Swimming” from Finding Nemo. “What a loser, loser, loser…” I find humming the mantra in my mind makes the rest of the unbearable date go by at a  rapid pace.

We part ways in the parking lot and he gets a very business like hug from me and my usual “I’ll text you, don’t text me” comment.  Ah, the broke cop has made my day at The Beach with Spicolli seem like a trip to Paris. I sure can’t wait for my next date. Maybe I can just pick up a hitchiker along the highway and have more luck!

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